Being Homeless For a Night

Every day is a new adventure for me, it seems.
My toilet started backing up into my bathtub and in a very small studio house, smell can really travel.
My dad was a certified plumber, but he's been gone for years.
So I wasn't really sure what to do. I learn some basic skills at work, but there aren't many jobs involving bathtubs at the school I work at. I can't afford a plumber and still be able to pay the rent this month.
My landlord is on vacation in Fiji and couldn't be bothered. 
I couldn't crash on my best friend Bill's couch, because he's homeless.
The only thing I could do was sit in my disgusting house, or seek the assistance of a neighbor.
Well, obviously I'm not going to ask D for help, because he killed my dog.
So, I tried another house near mine. I'd never seen who lives there before. The house is all painted black, covered in some white spray paint doodles and has boarded-up windows. They were boarded up with cardboard, actually. I chose this house because it actually looked pretty decent! I was sure a nice family lived there.

Boy, was I wrong.  D'jonique slammed the door right in my face.

HEY D'JONIQUE, I JUST PUT YOU ON BLAST ON THE INTERNET. WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

So since I was pretty shaken up about D'jonique's rudeness, I decided to find Bill and see where he took refuge. Apparently, he sleeps under a bridge not too far from my house!
It was a little hard to sleep with all the cars passing by, but at least I had my favorite blanket. Some people stared on, but I figured it was just a glimpse into Bill's everyday life, and it gave me a little sympathy for him and a new appreciation for what I do have - a roof over my head. When there aren't any plumbing problems, of course.
I was even able to get to work on time and smelling pretty decent!
And now, here I am at the library, telling my diligent non-readers my story.

Until tomorrow,
Sparkles

P.S. Anyone know anything about plumbing?

The Importance of Reading

I thought I should bring this to all my my nonexistent readers' attentions:
The Importance of Reading.
I know, I know.
Your Mom and Pop tried to convince you of the same exact thing when you were a kid.
Or maybe you are a kid, and in that case, you probably shouldn't read this because you're currently being taught to be idealistic. And knowing the realities of the world and the lives of people like mine, you shouldn't know that people like me exist.
Anyway, the importance of reading.
Even though I don't have much, I can have my books.
I put aside $12 for my library card and it has done so much for me, including making this blog possible.
Every week I check out a book from the library, and it gets me through the week.
Literature is important because even someone with a limited education like mine can make it in this country with a little motivation.
Books bring me to new worlds, and they help to expand my vocabulary. They do a lot more than school would have done for me.
But, kids, that doesn't mean you shouldn't stay in school (I know you are still reading...kids these days).

Also, kids, LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS!
God knows I should have listened to mine.

Sending my best regards,
(but only to people who read books)
Sparkles

My Dream

Now that I've been sharing my life with you diligent non-readers for a whopping four days, I thought I should share my dream with you.
My dream is to become a writer. A novelist, if you will.
I dream to write the ultimate novel, a fictional tale based loosely on my life events.
Who wouldn't be interested in me?
People are interested in Miley.

I'm getting a haircut, y'all! Please give me more attention, I don't have enough! PS. I wish the paparazzi would give me some privacy :(

 I am blonde too. I can sing. Bill says I'm a fantastic singer, and you all know Bill is the voice of reason in my life.
But first and foremost, I am a writer (after being a janitor, of course).
Ray Bradbury once said, "You must stay drunk on writing, so reality cannot destroy you."
If I focused on my life at this current moment, I would probably be drunk on something else.
So, my friends, stay motivated, strive to reach your goals, tell your friends about my blog.
Use art not only as an emotional outlet, but as a way to keep you from going insane.
My book will be free on Amazon.com for Kindle readers one day in the near future.

Until then,
Sparkles

Unfriendly Neighbors

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's my next-door neighbor.
My dog Peppy was my best and only friend, besides that homeless man named Bill. 

Such a sweet creature.

She had been with me through everything. We ate together, we fell asleep in front of the TV together, we walked together every day. She was there when I got my first job as a janitor at a local public high school. So when someone decides to take my best friend away from me because she ran into his yard, it makes me a little angry.
I don't tend to hate people very often, but my neighbor is an exception - we'll call him D.
D looks like a frail old man, but he packs a mean punch. He also has this turbo-charged lawn mower that he threatens passers-by with by the hour.
This was one of those days when D was really feeling on-edge. Peppy and I had just finished our daily stroll, and Peppy saw an albino squirrel in D's yard. I mean, come on, how often do you get to see albino squirrels? Naturally Peppy started to chase it.
Well, D wasn't too happy with my dog on his property. We'd already had a shaky past, one involving Peppy, so D wasn't going to be lenient this time.
D attacked Peppy with the lawn mower, and, well, it's hard for me to go on.
Anyway, if your neighbors are friendly and welcoming, congratulations!
And if they're not, here's hoping they didn't kill your best friend.

Wishing you, your neighbors, and your dogs well.
Sparkles

The Glass Ceiling

So it has come to my attention that I need to get a new job. But then I was watching Lifetime on one of the TVs at the Sears by the school I work at. And there was some old chick on TV who started an extremely successful escort agency because she couldn't get promoted at a hedge fund she worked at after 5 whole years, and she went to college and everything. And that's when I realized - I'm a woman. Who is going to give me a decent job? I'll be a janitor forever. It's a tale as old as time. Studies show that women still make less money than men. What is this, the stone age? I got my GED and everything, but I can't even get a job as a secretary because I type too slow. It's just that I post to my blog from the local library computers and I don't want to bother the old people sitting in here reading their books with loud typing. So, I'm used to typing at a slow rate.
Anyway, I'm thinking about getting into the acting business. My friend Bill says that I have "the look," which may explain the stares I usually get from strangers every day. I can also read pretty well, which is a plus. I hope this works out because I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent this month.

Until tomorrow,
Sparkles

The Diner

Another boring day in my life to be documented.
This morning I found a viral infection on my foot, but I'm not sure where to find a doctor around here. I guess I'll worry about it another day.  
I went to work, which was the same old thing as usual.
Often times I'll visit a small diner near my house after work just to check out what color the eggs are today. I sat next to my homeless friend, Bill. I'm not sure why homeless people are always sitting at diners. Maybe it's because he uses the heat from the grill to keep warm in the winter. Bill also has an affinity for cocaine, but that's another story.
Bill turns to me and he's like, "Why is your hair all green?"
To which I replied, "I don't really know."
I think it could be from the chemicals I use at work, but I can't know for sure. After all, I'm just a jan - sanitation engineer. Oh, we've all seen that Dave Chapelle movie. I'm a janitor.

 

 

 

Don't lie. You have seen this movie before.

Anyway, sometimes I soak my head in the mop bucket when my hair is starting to smell. It's not my fault my shower hasn't been working. A little sponge bath at work and I'm good to go.
So I ordered a sausage, which Bill didn't want to share despite his homelessness. I guess he's a picky eater.
And then I went home, where I am now, to tell my diligent non-readers about my day.

Until next time,
Sparkles

A Great New Idea!

My opinions are important, y'all. I swear!

Today, I have decided to take a more pathetic approach to my already pathetic life by starting a blog that no one will read. The interesting part is I imagine that one day someone may care what I have to say.
This phenomenon is known as the "blogger effect," which can be defined as "no one realizes you have to have something special happen to you for people to actually read what you post online." 
For example, you could be famous for unknown reasons, like a Kardashian. Or, you can get hit by a bus and live to tell the tale. 
You can't just be really good at spelling, like me. 
You also usually need to have good jokes, unlike me. 
Today, I tried to make my roommate laugh. Then I realized I live alone - it might be because my name is Sparkles.

I live alone on the bad side of town, a place where a new trend of "Thou Shalt Not Kill" signs are abundant in front of my neighbors' homes and yet few people acknowledge them, it seems. I live next to a man who once killed my dog with a lawn mower. It was also a Monday, so you know, that always sucks. I decided to forgive and forget, but it might be because he held a gun to my head when I got all in his face.
My hair has also turned green for an unknown reason and I woke up with my nails painted orange, which would be fine on any other day, but the orange color doesn't seem to be coming off. Ever. Essentially, I am the troll living under the bridge. But don't let that stop you from reading on day by day about my super exciting life.
 

Until tomorrow, when I tell my diligent non-readers about the mishaps of my day.
And there will be mishaps.

Sparkles